Tyree's Tuppence
by Tyree Campbell
Irreality Check
Well, of all things! In addition to top-ranked magazines of stories about exploring the Solar System, traveling to the farthest marches of the Universe[s], and things that make your hair stand up in the night, and poetry that evokes a myriad iridescent and trembling images in both metered and free verse, from the page-wide lines of David Kopaska-Merkel to the minimalism of Semi, and illustrations that engender thousands of words...in addition to all of this, Sam's Dot Publishing has now released---
...a coloring book????
It's called Color Me Strange. Gone are the stereotyped images you find in other coloring books for youngsters of ages 5 and up. In lieu of a little girl with a butterfly on an extended finger, you'll find an astronaut bounding over lunar dust bunnies. There are no horses here, just unicorns--even on the carousel. Are you looking for a pet dog or cat? Nope...try a little robot named Ani-Maw. And faeries, lots of faeries.
And creatures you are only going to find on worlds which have yet to be discovered...or perhaps yet to be created. Horned Bunnettes live here, and Lion Flies, and Three-Headed Hissers, and Popfish...and wait till you meet Bugly.
[Shameless plug: you can buy a copy for your young dreamers, and/or for yourself, by logging onto http://www.genremall.com/odd.htm ]
How I would love to be present the day a little girl [with her parents] walks into a pet shop and wants to see a Crested Rug Cat.
Do such creatures exist? I dunno...ever see a platypus, or a tubeworm, or a baobab or banyan tree? Anything is possible, after seeing those.
That's what we are all about in the genres. The Possible. We present The Possible to our adult readers in The Martian Wave, The Fifth Di..., Champagne Shivers, Aoife's Kiss, Scifaikuest. We present The Possible to our younger readers in Beyond Centauri and KidVisions. And now we present The Possible to an even younger group. If you encourage children to dream while young, perhaps they'll have a better chance of retaining those dreams as they grow to adulthood.
Who knows, maybe one of them will one day find a Pencil Bug...
...because there are many realities, including the one in which we must exist while we create others. Unfortunately, for every one of us who can envision Pencil Bugs, faeries, and flowers shaped like snakes with three heads, there are too many--far too many--individuals who twist and pervert this reality to their own ends and, all too often, to the detriment of us dreamers.
Let me give you an example. In "From Boys To Men," a Special Report by Kenneth T. Walsh and Dan Gilgoff in the 3 May 2004 issue of U.S. News & World Report, the two reporters fairly gush over the wording in the May 1971 Officer Evaluation Report [referred to as an OER] of one First Lieutenant George W. Bush. Claiming that Bush excelled as a first lieutenant, Walsh and Gilgoff cite from this OER that "Lt. Bush is a natural leader...and should be promoted well ahead of his contemporaries." The evaluation also commended Bush's "eagerness to participate in the unit's activities and his ability to work harmoniously with others."
Well, I'm not here to write uncomplimentary things about George Bush. I'm far more concerned with society's and the reading public's recognition of "the truth." The two reporters used this OER to support their contention that, even as a young man, Bush showed considerable promise as a leader. But what, exactly, is an Officer Evaluation Report, and what, exactly, is its function?
Most people today have not served in the military, nor, unless the draft returns, as rumor says it will after Bush is re-elected, are they likely to do so. So most people have little or no understanding of an Officer Evaluation Report [or an Enlisted Evaluation Report, which is used to evaluate non-commissioned officers, such as sergeants...].
I'll keep this simple. An Evaluation Report is an annual summary of the performance of an individual in the military. It is used primarily as a basis for promotion. The information in it may also be perused when an individual falls under consideration for certain special assignments. And if the report is sufficiently negative, it can be used as a basis for release from service.
Now...in the military, to receive anything less than close to a maximum rating on an Evaluation Report is to receive the Kiss of Death regarding one's chances for promotion and, in fact, for continuing one's military career. Accordingly, unless an individual has totally, completely, and royally screwed up, as, for example, Bush did while owner of the Texas Rangers baseball team, he will receive a maximum or close to maximum rating on his Evaluation Report. That's the way the game is played in the military...all backs are mutually scratched. But Walsh and Gilgoff, the two reporters who wrote the USN&WR article, either were not aware of this, or chose not to mention it.
In other words...if you were to examine all of the Officer Evaluation Reports for 1971 [or, for that matter, any other year in which this process was employed], you will find that some ninety nine percent of the officers received maximum or near-maximum ratings and were described as "natural leaders" who "should be promoted well ahead" of their contemporaries.
[Yes, yes, I know, I know, the concept of promoting 99% of individuals ahead of their contemporaries is a mathematical conundrum utterly without solution, but that means nothing to the military].
In summary, then: it is true that George Bush received a superior rating while serving in the military. It is also true that virtually all of his fellow officers received similar ratings. Therefore, to assert that Bush stood out as an officer is...is...
Did I mention that Color Me Strange includes the Shelled Peeper, which lives in the tidal pools of Denebola? Well, I'm mentioning it now. And when/if you purchase a copy of this coloring book, you will find that, in context, the Shelled Peeper belongs in it. Thus, I tell you that such-and-such exists, you verify that it exists, and all is right with the world.
In the same way, if reporters tell you that someone was "a natural leader...and should be promoted well ahead of his contemporaries," you might well think, Damn, that mofo practically walks on water, don't he? Unfortunately, no equivalent of the coloring book is available for you to verify the contextual truth of the statement. One wonders how many people, having read the USN&WR Special Report, accept the reporters' contention that, despite all current evidence to the contrary, the individual in question is indeed a natural leader and by extension that, in this time of crisis, he should be retained in his present position.
There is more truth on one page of that coloring book than there is, in context, in George W. Bush's Officer Evaluation Report for 1971.
Past Tuppence:
March 2004
December 2003
September 2003
June 2003
March 2003
December 2002
October 2002
August 2002
June 2002
April 2002
February 2002
December 2001
October 2001
August 2001
Read more from Tyree Campbell in any of the following:
Wondrous Web Worlds Vol. 3
Sex and the Single Alien
An anthology
Nyx
A novel by Tyree Campbell
Wondrous Web Worlds Vol. 2