A Heart Full of Summers

by Sharon Trimmer

Nathan Boakai closed the Seed Pod door, this rotation’s contribution to the future now properly frozen and labeled inside. He ran his hand over the cabinet’s name plate: Germ Cell Storage Locker - One A. Nathan was the crew’s only remaining botanist. He christened the locker Seed Pod and the name stuck. The Seed Pod stored the hope of the crew. With luck, some woman on Eden Prime would one day use his specimen to shake up the colony’s genetic diversity and bear a child whose DNA was half his. Until then, he’d have to be proud of the children he planned to father the old-fashioned way.

He shook his head, baffled by his capacity to hope despite what he’d been through on this voyage to a new world. They were still six years from the Eridani System. The Big Bang, as the collision which crippled their ship was unaffectionately called, had left Aquarius a cobbled up mess. The crew had dwindled from over two thousand to eight men and thirty women. And none of them were getting any younger.

They didn’t dare all go back into cryogenic stasis after the Bang. The ship couldn’t be trusted to run on its own now.  They divided themselves into three crews. Each crew took a four month shift while the others stayed in the icebox. This way they only aged one year for every three. Since most were less than thirty when they started the voyage, they’d still be relatively young when they reached the new world they’d been sent to populate.

A loud thud reverberated through the hull. Nathan spun about looking for the ship status screen located beside the locker. He knocked an open container of specimen vials off the counter in the process. They rolled, bounced and skidded into every corner of the room.  He stepped on one, lost his footing and landed on his backside. His head hit the side of the locker.

Cursing, he hauled himself to his feet. The status screen showed no change from when he’d looked at it that morning. There was no disaster update. No sign of a major problem. Strange noises were nothing new. Someone would call him if they needed him.

Never a day went by on the ship without something going wrong. Every day a new mess to clean up. He dropped to his hands and knees and set about retrieving the scattered vials. His mechanical hand clanked against the metal floor as he crawled along, reminding him that the day he lost his real hand hadn’t been a good day either.

He shook his head. He had two hands again. That was plenty to be thankful for.

“Days are what you make them,” he mumbled.

“Talking to yourself again?”

He looked up to see Grace Portman standing in the doorway. She’d been defrosted that morning to take over medical on the next rotation. They tried to keep at least one medical doctor awake at all times.

“Yes,” he replied. “The good news is I’m only talking to myself now.  I’ve stopped answering. The bad news is I miss my witty comebacks. My other answery self was a lot more fun than I am. He always had something clever to say.”

As he got to his feet, she came in. Grace was all curves and blonde hair. He could smell her from across the room. She smelled too good. Looked too good, too. And she knew it.

“Aren’t you ever serious?”

“Me? All the time about important things. Things like the success of the mission. The Friday night poker game. Having enough air to breathe. Whether we get cake for supper.”

She laughed. “You had to mention cake. Now I’ll be craving it all rotation. Fixer’s the only one that can make that paste they call food into a decent cake. He only makes them on your shift. You always were his favorite.”

Nate chuckled at the mention of Jack Gerety, the ship’s engineer and creator of his mechanical hand and heart. “Of course I am. He’s my Frankenstein and I’m his monster. Really he just likes how his silver invention shows up on me. He’s fond of the contrast against my black skin.”

“He’s not the only one.” She took a deep breath which caused the swell of her breasts to peek out the top of her jumpsuit. “When are you going to skip a round in the icebox and start working my rotation? I could make a stab at being as witty as your other answery self.”

He turned his back on her and put the sample vials on the shelf. “I like the rotations just the way they are.”

The comlink on the wall buzzed. “Nate, we got a problem,” Jack said. His voice crackled with static.

“You got to start singing a new tune, Fixer,” Nathan shot back into the com. “This one’s getting old.”

“I’m not kidding. It’s bad. Worse than bad,” Jack’s voice continued to crack and it wasn’t from static.

Nathan’s throat contracted. Jack never sounded like this. Jack was the steadiest person Nathan knew. When the ship was hit forty-eight years into the voyage, no one thought Aquarius would recover. A pitifully small chunk of ice destroyed half the ion sail. Two of the crew’s three cryogenic modules were torn away.  Most of those left alive thought they were doomed to die in space. Not Jack. He figured out a way to put the ship back together. It took two years and two hundred more lives, but they resumed their journey to New Eden. Jack earned himself the nickname Fixer and he’d kept earning it by fixing almost every problem there was in the twenty years since.

Taking firm hold of his hope, Nathan laughed as he replied to Jack, “Come on, you trying to scare me? I can imagine quite a lot of bad things.”

“Get to medical, Nathan.”

It wasn’t the ship. It was one of the crew. One of the precious few of them still alive after nearly seventy years into what was supposed to be a fifty-six year voyage.

Aquarius was an unforgiving mistress. She excused no mistakes. In the last two decades, she’d claimed too many lives as payment for carrying them to Eridani. She’d been merciful the last five years and claimed no one.

Someone must have gotten sloppy. Someone must have taken her clemency for granted. Aquarius didn’t like being taken for granted. Nathan swallowed down a lump of fear. God, don’t let it be my wife.

“On my way,” he said.

He struck his heart control located by his left collarbone. Five taps were enough to increase his heart rate to where he needed it. Blood coursed through him as his artificial heart kicked into overdrive. He bolted past Grace into the corridor and raced toward medical.

His soul shriveled as he ran. He knew it was Maggie.

*               *              *

Fixer ended his call to Nathan. He turned away from the medical imager and looked at Maggie. She could see tears welling in his dark eyes.

“I can’t do anything for you,” he said. “There’s not enough time. Maybe if I had a couple of months like with Nathan. But . . . ”

Maggie looked up at him from where she lay on the examining table. She knew it all but killed the man to make this confession. She hadn’t expected him to help. By all rights, she should be dead already.

The massive dose of painkiller he’d given her took the edge off the pain. Just. A corner of the metal tray launched from the interior of the ancient autoclave was wedged between her ribs. The imager showed it had embedded in her heart. Shock was setting in. She was amazed she was still conscious. It was only a matter of time until she bled out.

“It’s okay, Fixer. I should have been more careful. It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

“I wish it’d been me,” Fixer said. “You’re a doctor. I’m just a glorified maintenance man. It’s you they’ll need on New Eden, not me.”

She tried to think of a kind reply, but nothing came to mind. All she could think of was how her own stupidity had killed her. Why hadn’t she been more careful opening the autoclave? She couldn’t remember now if she’d followed proper procedure. She been thinking of Nate and helping him with his Seed Pod contribution instead of concentrating on the task at hand.

Nate. She was dying on Nate. 

“I think Doc Portman’s still in cryo helping defrost the crew,” Fixer said. “Coms are out down there again. I’ll go get her.”

“Don’t,” Maggie said in a rush. “There’s nothing she can do either.”

She didn’t want to see Grace Portman gloating over her as she died. Grace had coveted Nathan since she first set eyes on him. Now the scrawny blonde witch would get him and there was nothing Maggie could do to stop it. She couldn’t stand to see the false sympathy on Grace’s face. She wouldn’t have Grace hovering in the background if she was lucky enough to die in Nate’s arms.

“We can’t afford to lose another woman,” Fixer went on, drawing her out of her thoughts. “It’s we men that are expendable. You gals can keep us in a bottle till you need us, but we ain’t got the right plumbing to people a new world.”

“Fixer,” she cried. “I’m dying here. Stop talking about me like you’re losing an incubator.”

Fixer’s face blanched as white as the hair around it. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He took up his cane and three-stepped it out of medical as fast as he could go.

The room grew quiet except for the hum of equipment. Tears leaked down the sides of her face. She didn’t want to die alone.

She hadn’t been alone since the day she met Nathan. Everyone volunteering to go to New Eden was required to pass both physical and mental screening tests to be accepted into the program. Maggie had no idea the physical test would be an obstacle course when she applied. It was miles long and wound through a forest and over hills. If you didn’t complete the course, you were washed out. Maggie was as athletic as a turnip.

There she stood at the starting line, swallowed up by her issued sweats when she spotted Nathan in the group. Sweat glistened off his ebony skin which stretched over taut muscles. He looked like speed. A flash of brilliant white teeth split his face when he caught her looking at him and smiled. She was sure her mouth was hanging open. She’d felt a fool.

When the starting gun sounded, Nathan disappeared over the hill with the leaders. Maggie plodded along at the rear. She kept up until she came to a mud hole over which you were required to swing on a rope. Time after time she failed, falling before she reached the other side.

Nathan appeared out of nowhere. He hauled her out of the slop. He told her what to do. She made it across on the tenth try as he cheered her on.  When she was so tired she wanted to quit, he wouldn’t let her. He jogged beside her all the way to the finish. He’d been by her side ever since.

The thud of a different set of boots on metal reached her through the door. Nate. Her chest constricted at the thought that this was the last time she’d see him. Blood oozed down her skin, collecting in a sticky pool beneath her. Please, give me a chance to comfort him before I go.

She turned her head toward the footfalls. Nate slid to a stop in the doorway, his shoulders heaving. Sweat poured down his face into his black beard. His dark eyes ran over her. He pulled himself through the bulkhead, his artificial hand clanging against the metal frame.

“Maggie,” he whispered. “No.”

Nathan stood over the examining table staring down at the vaguely familiar hunk of metal protruding from his wife’s chest. There were burns on her face and hands. Blood soaked her too big uniform. She’d taken the garment from the stores of one of the dead when her own wore out. He’d teased her about her rolled up sleeves and pant legs dragging the floor. When it came to clothes, Maggie could care less. He realized he should’ve told her she was beautiful. He should’ve told her a lot of things.

“What . . .  how bad . . . ” He couldn’t find words.

“Got myself right through the heart,” Maggie replied with a crooked grin. “Not many people have that kind of skill.”

“What can we do?”

“Nothing, Nate. I’m dead. My body just doesn’t know it yet.”

“Fixer?”

She shook her head. “Says he’s can’t repair this one. My heart’s run out of summers. It happens to everyone.”

“Not me,” he replied.

After the asteroid strike, everyone left had to be revived to work on repairs. Nathan caught a virus somehow. It moved into the muscles of his heart, slowly destroying them. He thought he was going to die, but Fixer had other plans. The inventive engineer fashioned Nathan a replacement out of parts he scrounged from around the ship. Sleek and half the size of the original, it had served Nathan well for close to twenty years. From the amount of blood on his wife’s clothes, Nathan knew Fixer didn’t have the months needed to make another.

“Don’t blame Fixer,” Maggie said, reaching out to him. “Don’t blame yourself. We had a good run, you and I.”

He clasped his real hand about hers. “It’s not long enough. Not for me.”

She smiled. “I love you, Nathan. Always have.” 

A clattering sounded in the corridor outside. Fixer and Grace appeared in the doorway from opposite directions. They both rushed in.

“You got to help her, Doc,” Fixer said to Grace. “She’s bleeding bad. It’s her heart.”

Maggie frowned at Grace, “There’s nothing you can do.”

“I want a second opinion,” Fixer snapped. “Don’t be playing Doctor God with me, woman. You just might be wrong for once.”

“You don’t know how much I’d like to be,” Maggie said, her eyes fluttering as if she had trouble keeping

them open.

“God, what happened?” Grace asked as she leaned over Maggie.

Grace reached up and pulled the portable imager down toward Maggie’s chest. The machine hummed to life when she slapped a button. Maggie’s pumping heart appeared on the screen. Darkness that Nathan knew didn’t belong there pressed in around his wife’s heart as the tray cut into it from above.

“Can you fix her?” Nathan asked.

“She’s right,” Grace announced. “There’s too much damage. If we had a decent heart lung machine, maybe I could stitch her back together. Then we could leave her on it and give the heart a chance to heal enough to take function back. The one we’ve got might get her through the operation, but that’s it. This isn’t a hospital. That was in Module Three. This is a cobbled together collection of salvage. There’s enough artificial blood on hand to keep her alive for a few more minutes. That’s the best I can offer.”

“Can we put her in cryo?” Nathan asked.

“She won’t survive the move, much less the process,” Grace replied.

“Give her the blood,” Nathan said.

“Don’t waste it,” Maggie blurted out. “I’m ready to go now.”

“I’m not ready for you to leave,” Nathan cried.

Maggie’s eyes rolled back. She went still. Nathan wanted to take her in his arms. The tray going up and down as it stuck out of her chest made him stop.

There had to be something he could do. He couldn’t just watch her die. His muscles twitched as he fought to think. Blood roaring through his veins was drowning out every other sound. He’d forgotten to decrease his heart rate after his run. When he reached for the control, the solution to Maggie’s plight struck him.

“Give her the blood,” Nathan ordered Grace. “Now.”

He shoved the doctor toward the bank of machines and cabinets on the far wall. He pushed her harder than he meant to. She grabbed hold of the table to keep from falling. There wasn’t time to be civil. There wasn’t time for anything but saving Maggie.

A look of shock passed over Grace’s face. “You heard her. She doesn’t want heroic measures to extend her life.”

“The blood’s just the first step you’re going to take. You’re going to stabilize her. Then you’re giving her my heart.”

“Hold on, buddy,” Fixer said. “That’s the grief talking.”

“Of course it is,” Nathan shouted. “Grief and love and cold hard fact. A woman doctor is more important to our mission than a one-armed male botanist.”

“She’ll never agree to this,” Fixer said, looking at Maggie.

Nathan grabbed Grace by the arm. He turned the monitor until she could see it. “Is there anything wrong with her besides her heart?”

Grace shook her head. “That’s not the. . . ”

“Look at it,” Nathan cried. He lifted her by both arms until her nose touched the monitor. “If she gets a heart will she live?”

“I can’t let you do this,” Grace said. “It’s not ethical.”

“I don’t care about ethical. Only that she lives. If I can buy her life with my own, that’s what I’m going to do.”

“Nate, don’t,” Maggie whispered. Her eyes were still closed. Her hand jerked toward him.

Nathan dropped Grace and wove his fingers into Maggie’s. He pressed his lips against her temple. “My heart has a thousand summers left, Maggie,” he whispered. “I’m giving them all to you. Take my heart, it’s always been yours.”

Grace strapped an oxygen mask over Maggie’s face. Nathan moved out of the way. The doctor raised a pole from the side of the examining table and hung a bag of artificial blood from it. The pale liquid flowed down the tube into Maggie. Nathan didn’t see how it could ever keep up with the stream of red ooze that seeped from around his wife’s wound.

“That’s all I’m doing,” Grace said. “I’m a doctor. I won’t take one life to save another.”

“What’s one life compared to all the lives Maggie can give the colony?” Nathan shot at her. “She can still have our children when I’m gone. I can’t. A small part of me will live on in our children. When she’s gone, I’ll never have any of her with me again.”

Grace’s eyes lit up. “But you can. Maggie’s eggs are in the Seed Pod. I helped her harvest them. I could have Maggie’s children for her. For you.”

“You?” Nathan’s mouth fell open. He couldn’t process what the woman was saying.

“Me.” Grace came around the table toward him. “I’ll keep part of Maggie alive. I’d do that and more for you.”

“You? You?” He was repeating himself and he couldn’t stop.

“How can you be so blind?” Grace asked, shaking her head. “There’s no way I’m doing what you ask. And I most certainly won’t be the one who kills you.”

Grace glanced down at Maggie who still lay with her eyes closed. She gathered Nathan’s hands in hers. She lifted them and kissed them. Nathan was too shocked to stop her. The look she gave him promised more than kisses. Her lips lingered on his artificial hand as if to prove it didn’t matter to her that he was part cyborg.

“Listen to her, Nate,” Maggie murmured.

“Yes, Nate, listen to me,” Grace said.

“I love Maggie,” he blurted out. He ripped his hands from Grace’s grasp and backed away.  “Fixer?” he pleaded.

Fixer stood in the corner. He stared at them all as if they were mad. “I can’t help you, Nate. Every side of this argument is valid. Too many lives, too much of the future, is at stake here. I’d die for any of you if it would make a difference. But I won’t make this decision.”

Maggie’s time was running out. Nathan knew he had to end this debate. He rushed to the bank of cabinets and jerked open drawer after drawer. In the fifth one, he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a scalpel and put it to his throat.

Turning to Grace, he said, “Prep her. You’re doing a heart transplant.”

Grace crossed her arms and glared at him. “No. I’m not.”

“You have no choice,” Nathan cried. “I’m slitting my throat.”

“And I’m sewing you back together. Then I’m keeping you sedated until it’s too late for your idiotic scheme to work.”

Nathan thrust the scalpel in Grace’s direction. “Do as I say!”

“You plan on keeping me at knife point through the entire operation?”

He let his arm fall. She was right. He couldn’t do that. If he lost consciousness, he lost control of the situation. He had to find someone else willing to see his plan through.

“Fixer? Will you promise me Maggie gets my heart?”

Fixer’s shoulders drooped. “Doc here means to keep you alive as long as there’s hope for you.”

“What if there’s no hope for me? Will you see Maggie gets my heart then?”

Tears leaked out of Fixer’s eyes. “I got a lot of hope.”

“Maggie’s my hope, Fixer.”

Fixer brushed the tears from his face. “I got a lot invested in you, boy. I can’t tell you how hard I fought to keep you alive. My engineering conquered death for you. For you. I’m not the kind of man who would take the life he struggled so hard to save.”

“What kind of man would I be if I didn’t give my life to save my wife and children?” Nathan asked.  “Will you do it, Jack?”   

A sob escaped Fixer. He hung his head. “Yes,” he whispered.

It was all Nathan needed to hear. He walked to the bulkhead door and plunged the scalpel into the safety override. Sparks crackled out of the hissing panel. He looked back at Maggie one last time. He should have told her that he loved her. A smile passed over his face. She’d know every time she looked in the eyes of his children.

He pressed the button to close the door’s emergency seal. Taking advantage of the three second delay, he placed his head against the inside of the doorframe. It was cold and hard as his decision. He closed his eyes.

The warning bell beeped. Grace screamed. The heavy metal door slid out of the wall and slammed shut.

**********************

Sharon Trimmer lives in the middle of the mitten of Michigan. She enjoys the quiet peace of her farm in the country where the crops and the stories grow tall.